Man buying €50/gram “Cali” weed in cat food tins thinks he’s Scarface

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Local man James DaBoss420 Marley caused outrage today by mocking “poor people” who can’t match the purchasing power of his £200 per month bricklaying apprenticeship grant. Waxing lyrical over his Whiskas tin with a cartoon banana sticker, James denied that he was being taken for a ride, and insisted that people were simply jealous, and being haters.

“People tell me that it’s just normal weed put in tins bought off eBay, but I can taste the difference. i’ve been smoking it with Amber Leaf and you can really appreciate the subtleties beneath the benzene and soot. You don’t know flavour until you’ve tried tar with a faint whisper of juniper berries,” he croaked over a chesty cough.

“Cali” weed strains such as Gelato and Zkittlez have recently taken off thanks to a combination of Instagram dealers and gullible fools who’ll believe anything you tell them. With prices ranging from €40-60 at certain Amsterdam coffeeshops, there’s big business in importing low quality weed, beefed up on plant steroids, and asking customers to pay a premium for California’s unwanted stock.

“I’ve heard people saying Cali ain’t all that, but it must be expensive for a reason, right? I mean, some bloke sold me a bag of magic beans for £500. Imagine what they’ll be like when they finally sprout. Probably some crazy thing like an iPhone bush or something I can have sex with,” pondered Mr Marley.

He then left to meet a girl his browser had told him was hot and horny in his area.

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